Thanks Donnie and Maryann for your messages and thoughts.
I had three more events that maybe are signals, maybe not.
First one: last day she was in her backyard (already challenged by the disease) I was taking care and wanted to amuse her, so I helped her walk quietly through the place and showed her the plants. A beautiful smile appeared on her face along with a sigh of joy at the sight of a red geranium she had on a pot over a rusty table. Just after the funeral, returning to his house, when I entered the yard I got struck by the vision of it though I'm far from being a garden man and never pay attention to plants. It's not that it bloomed or changed from one day to another, but his flowers captured me, like they'd taken my eyes with a magnet, with a red so, so vivid. Since then, when I return to take care of the house I feel very emotional as I approach to that pot. And I hope that the cold season passes soon to see it bloom again!
Next day I returned to my home. As it was uninhabited for weeks it smelled of moist. But for a moment I felt the smell of embers smoke, the kind we used to make asado with. And it was the last meal we prepared together and shared the night before cancer symptoms appeared.
Last: two weeks later in her house the backyard bulb flickered twice. Perhaps it was the strong wind as later there was a storm. But nothing happened with the lights inside, and the following day I carefully touched with a piece of wood the wires and the bulb, and none of them were loose or deteriorated, neither flickered again.
Oh, and during the short vigil she had I never felt sad, distressed. I could caress her forehead, salute her, say her love words, even things that were kind of mutual joke we had, and attend a prayer, all of that without a tear or knots on the throat. Maybe she was there conforting me as she was just departing her earthly suit, I don't know. But it was a moment of much peace and calm, despite the horrible turning point of my life I was in. |
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